14: Ellen

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Ellen

Made by: Leon Arnott

Explanation

This strip is simply a massive compilation of Jon's phone calls to Ellen, a potential date of his, arranged so they form a loose narrative (first nervously asking her out, then, after being rejected once, getting increasingly desperate before she hangs up).

The author writes:

Between the years of 1990 and 2006, Jon Arbuckle persistently attempted to forge a relationship, via telephone, with a woman named Ellen. Why this one woman? Why such persistence? What did Jon see in her, while never actually seeing her? There is no answer.

Jim Davis, apparently showing concern for continuity, had Jon and Ellen end their relationship by finally meeting in person*, just before Davis did the unthinkable and hooked Jon up with Liz.

Original strips from: 1996-08-30, 1997-08-13, 1999-03-26, 1999-05-12, 1999-10-15, 2000-02-18, 2002-01-11, 2004-10-01, 2004-12-30, 2005-03-25, 2005-06-04, 2005-08-02, 2005-08-04, 2005-08-05, 2006-03-14, 2006-05-01, 2006-05-03, 2006-05-04, 2006-05-08, 2006-05-09, 2006-05-10, 2006-05-11, 2006-07-17, 2006-07-19.

• This originally linked to garfield.nfshost.com, which has since closed its doors.

Transcript

Jon: {into phone} Hi, Ellen, it's Jon! How are you?
Jon: What's that you say, Ellen?
Jon: I really like talking to you, Ellen...
Jon: Ellen, I have something to tell you.
Jon: I have a thing for you, Ellen.
Jon: Ellen, I think it's time to take our relationship to another level.
Jon: Ellen, I've decided to go out with you.
Jon: You know... on a date.
Jon: No! Don't hang up! I just want to ask you to dinner!
Jon: Ellen, Will you go out with me on New Year's Eve?
Jon: Ellen, I have the perfect evening planned for us.
Jon: Run over there and sweep you off your feet!
Jon: It's just a figure of speech, Ellen.
Jon: So, Ellen, what are my chances of a date with you?
Jon: What do you mean, "guess"?
{Jon gives silent shocked expression}
Jon: {to Garfield} Ellen won't go out with me.
Jon: {to Garfield} Says she has no feelings towards me...
Jon: {into phone} Fine, Ellen, don't go out with me!
Jon: I know why you won't go out with me, Ellen.
Jon: It's because I don't drive a big, fancy car!
Jon: I may not be rich, Ellen.
Jon: But remember one thing...
Jon: Ellen, I'd give anything if you'd go out with me.
Jon: No, you can't have my computer.
Garfield: Can I have the TV?
Jon I'm depressed, Ellen.
Jon: Ellen, my life is meaningless without you.
Garfield: It's meaningless anyway.
Jon: Ellen, when you say hurtful things to me, I just want to curl up and wither away.
Jon: Ellen, if you don't go out with me, I'll die.
Jon: I only have a week to live.
{Jon with a silent shocked expression}
Jon: What do you mean my life is meaningless anyway?!!
Garfield: Great minds think alike.
Jon: Me?... Boring?!
Jon: Ellen, if you hang up on me, you'll break my heart.
Sound: {over phone} SLAM!
{Jon stares blankly in shock, while Garfield has vanished}
Jon: {hanging up phone} I wonder what's on TV tonight.
Garfield: {returning with arms full and gleeful expression} Already made the popcorn and poured the sodas.