5055: Two Shots of Minus Garfield

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Two Shots of Minus Garfield

Made by: zerovision

Explanation

This comic is unexplained. If you can edit this page to provide an explanation, please do!

The author writes:

In the murder mystery comedy show The Afterparty that premiered this year, Yasper's episode is done as a musical. His first song is "Two Shots", a song about how we get that one shot in life...twice.

Trying to face my fear of auto-tune, I was absolutely sweaty both during the song and the remainder of the episode. Not only that, but I tried to block it with the opening theme from Blue Knights (which has the same key and about the same tempo), an X68000 game I only know because of VGMRips.

My dream had the song lurking on me, which came to a head when I went in a library and was too tired to move, and the song played louder than I could cover my ears from. But nothing is stopping me from making this thing in Online Sequencer.

Original strips: 1979-01-25, 1980-03-25, 1980-11-02, 1981-08-29, 1982-08-11, 1983-02-18, 1983-03-15, 1983-07-25, 1985-08-01, 1986-10-26, 1987-01-25, 1988-01-03, 1989-02-04, 1989-02-11, 1989-06-22, 1989-11-06, 1991-05-23, 1992-03-13, 1992-03-23, 1994-01-03, 1994-11-01, 2000-06-10, 2001-08-14, 2006-04-27, 2006-06-24, 2011-01-02.

Transcript

Yasper: We all get a moment where the stars align / The universe gives us a verse in the song of time
Garfield: What a lovely night. All the stars are out
Yasper: The spotlight swings our way and it's our time to shine / We're handed a mic on the stage of life, time to rhyme
Garfield: Out steps the star! The crowd goes wild!
Yasper: But what happens if you choke and you didn't catch a break? / If you failed, or you bailed with your tail between your legs?
Garfield: One!
Yasper: What about those of us who missed our shot, didn't rise to the top / Never became thе cream, and we just remainеd the crop
{Garfield tries launching at Jon's lasagna, but nope! CRASH!}
Jon: Aim a little off today, Garfield?
Garfield: This tastes like linoleum!
Yasper: I've heard it said before that we get one shot in life / And even though that may be true, it's not exactly right
Garfield: Well, shoot the horse and slap me silly!
Yasper: 'Cause here's a secret: even though we get one shot in life / We all get that one shot twice
TV: BANG! BANG! EEEK!
Yasper: We all get one shot twice / We all get one shot twice
Jon: Believe it or not, Garfield, the world does NOT revolve around you!
{Jon looks unamused}
Jon: Although you are big enough for it to!
Garfield: One shot at a time, please
Yasper: In other words, we get two shots in life / That's why we all get one shot twice
Garfield: Bingo!
Garfield: Hook shot
Jon: Ha-ha-ha, Garfield, ha-ha-ha
Aniq: Now what you're saying is confusing, but I think I understand / Everybody gets one shot, times a second chance
Jon: You'll have to take a bath before the cat show, Garfield
Garfield: I'll take my chances
Yasper: Exactly, somehow I didn't make it with my ska band / Apparently pop-punk with brass doesn't win you fans
Garfield: You'll have to speak up. I can't hear you over the band
Yasper: So, do I hang up my suspenders, pork pie and trombone? / Be content installing AV equipment in people's homes?
Jon: Is that a yodeling toaster?
Garfield: I've never seen kitchen appliances in a conga line before
Yasper: Hell no, because life's gonna throw you two bones! / That's right, we get to kill one bird with two stones!
Garfield: I didn't know stones had bones
Creature in log: BURP
Yasper: Eric Stoltz couldn't go back in time and get rehired / As Marty in "Back to the Future" after he was fired
Yasper: But then he got a cool supporting role in "Pulp Fiction" / And now he's a sought-after director of television
Director: Mmph grp bruf
Jon: What's the director saying, Garfield?
Garfield: Loosely translated, I don't fit the part
Yasper: We all get one shot twice / We all get one shot twice
Jon: GOOD! They shot the lion! What do you think of those apples, Garfield?
Garfield: Big deal
Garfield: At the gun it was villagers: 1, lion: 42
Yasper: In other words, we get two shots in life / That's why we all get one shot twice
(Jon trips)
Jon: WOOAAH!
Garfield: Thanks a lot for wrecking my shot, Mr. Twinkle Toes!
Aniq: (Two shots) To launch a second career! / (Two shots) Like my uncle Amir!
Garfield: Perhaps I should consider a career change
Aniq: (Two shots) He was a lawyer, now he's kick-starting a microbrew / 'Cause you don't get one shot, you get two!
Jon: It's ham-shaped cookies!
Garfield: Mom shoots! Mom SCORES!
Aniq: I fell in love with Zoe in Mr. Shapiro's class / Chemistry partners whose chemistry was unmatched
Aniq: Maybe with the exception of hydrogen and oxygen (Water!) / But I never made a move, so she walked to the altar
{Garfield's bowls are a little off today. GOOSH!}
Garfield: From now on, let's be putting water in the water dish, and food in the food dish, okay?
Aniq: With another dude, and I got so depressed / I fell apart like "The West Wing" after Sorkin left
Garfield: I can't bear the thought of trudging through another dismal February
{Garfield tries to kick the bucket in the chair}
Aniq: I was filled with regret, but if this song is correct / I missed my one shot at love but I got one shot left!
Garfield: And have a separate waiting room for dogs
Dog: I'm gonna get a shot! Oh, boy, oh, boy!
Walt: And now it's time for my verse / Tonight, for me, is gonna be
Jon: That was a good one. Now it's my turn. This is a movie title, okay?
Yasper & Aniq: Your first movie bombs? Make a better sequel! / You fail the bar exam? Become a paralegal
Yasper & Aniq: Your first band, "The Quarrymen," doesn't move the needle? / Form a second band, and call it the [BLEEP]in' Beatles!
Garfield: Even the band hates my act
Yasper: We all get one shot twice / We all get one shot twice
Garfield: It's an overhead shot
Yasper: In other words, we get two shots in life / That's why we all get one shot twice
Jon: You have to get your shots
Garfield: What does she think I am, a pincushion?
Yasper: We all get one shot twice / We all get one shot twice
Liz: A vitamin shot should do the trick
Yasper: In other words, we get two shots in life / That's why we all get one shot twice
Liz: Now for the kitty shot
Garfield: Inside, I'm screaming